My head is there already. It’s so hard to do word when my brain is already across the pond. Back when I lived in Overland Park KS, I would spend a good amount of time time driving back and forth from KC to Lawrence KC on the back roads. With my friend Kerry.

It’s hard to explain how beautiful the farmland is of soy, wheat, and corn. Like you know it’s government subsidized crops. It’s not making real food. Here in Colorado, you drive by real food- kale! Carrots! Beets!

I’m just so ready to see actual crops. In the kind of environment my skin is ready for. I’m so Irish, the sun is too much for me here. When I’m across the pond with Kerry, I’ll sparkle in the sun. But in the meantime-

I’ve got a Colorado bucket list. Stick with me, I have 14-res to bag. I have mountains to climb. I have vert to get. But it’s raining, so, I’m enjoying the outdoors.


This is my book. It’s called Topped, as you may have noticed. It’s an ode to the greatest living American author name of Chuck Tingle, and it contains some of the best dick jokes of my burgeoning career.

If you read my last book, UnderCovers (currently on sale for .99 at Amazon) than you may recognize a character or two, but this is a standalone. But I like bonuses. Everyone likes bonuses, right? So there are two related shorts in the back of Topped for your reading pleasure.

I don’t want to spoiler you guys on what they are but I really want to talk about them. Heavy sigh. I need to make confession. 

Send a priest. Tyler Bell, ideally.

I’ll update this with a link once it goes live. I will also try to be less awful about blogging. I say that every time I play but I really REALLY mean it now.


So You Want To Be a Writer.

I had a high school student email me with a bunch of questions about writing, so I thought I’d share them and my answers.


*What is the job really like? Well, no one tells you how much marketing is part of it. I’ve always found that many writers are by nature fairly introspective- we want to spend our time just imagining things into existence on the page. However, when you start your agent search, and then after that when editors get involved, they look at your involvement on social media as part of their consideration. Someone who maintains an active Twitter, FB, and blog they believe has a built-in fan base. When I signed my contract with my publishing company, I had to fill out a questionnaire on my marketing plan. Related: book tours aren’t as profitable for the industry these days with newer authors, so they send you on blog tours instead. This means you can expect to spend hours answering questions (often the same ones) and pulling excerpts and doing “character interviews” for various book blogs.

*Pros and cons of a writing career: Pros- it’s an infinitely varied and exciting job. You can literally do anything you want. Travel, commit crimes, fight crime, fall in love, develop superpowers- all through your characters. I also think by and large the community is extremely supportive (although for you as a fantasy writer, I have to say there have been a lot of accusations of misogyny there. As crummy as it is, it may be worth considering doing the JK Rowling thing when you query, so your gender isn’t as noticable.) Cons- there are zero guarantees. You may or may not get an agent who may or may not sell your work, which may or may not sell to the public. The percentage of writers who survive on that alone is depressingly small. That being said, when writing’s something to look forward to after your day job, it maintains a bit more allure than when you have to get up every day and treat it like you would an office job.

*What kind of viewpoint do I prefer to write in? I tend to prefer third person past because it lets you, as you said, flesh out the story a bit more. You aren’t tied to one person’s observations, and you get to observe them more closely than most characters would examine themselves. However, the last two books I’ve done have been in first person present and the writing goes much more quickly that way. It also gives a sense of immediacy that works better for certain stories.

*My favorite thing to do when writing a story is jokes. And Easter eggs. I have a couple good friends who read everything I write before anyone else, and if they text or call laughing or saying “I see what you did there!” I am satisfied.

*How do I get romance to work? I learned this trick from my co-writer, who was a theater major. In every play (or book) your main character wants something- be it a job, a victory, or a love. You have to imagine a string connecting your character to their desire. And then keep it taut. So for example in romance, once the characters meet, their thoughts continually drift to one another, even if they fight it. Especially if they fight it! They’ll order a coffee, and idly wonder if the other takes cream, or smell perfume on a passer-by that instantly reminds them of The Night They Met, or whatever. Wherever the object on the other end of their string goes, your character will follow. Also, witty banter. Insta-love only goes so far, especially when you can’t see the chemistry.

*How do I get inspiration for romance? A combination of asking what-if and being a fangirl, mostly. I wrote a short story once based on a real-life brief relationship I’d had- what if it had been more? My first published book was based on a craigslist ad where a guy advertised for a matchmaker. What if the matchmaker turned out to be his match? Or then, the second book was “What if You’ve Got Mail was modernized and kind of mashed up with the movie Once?” The one I’m working on now is, “What if 21 Jump St was romantic AND funny and also smashed into Never Been Kissed?” I know people who write heroes based on celebrities just so they can pretend to fall for them.

*Do I have any writing tips? Firstly, READ. Read constantly. Read in your genre, but also outside of it. Read non-fiction and fiction. All of it makes you a better writer. Second, and I am saying this as someone who was an English major- being an English major won’t necessarily teach you much about writing. My co-writer’s theater degree was much more applicable- they do character studies and all that immersion in acting really helps you get inside a character’s head- plus you get familiar with pacing and structure. In English you learn how to be a reader, with some writing experience; in theater you learn to be a writer, a director, and an actor. Much more well-rounded. However, if (and reasonably so) you are concerned about real-life applications of a degree like that (although the business world loves good public speakers!) a History major also helps you draw connections and see the narratives in a way that is particularly appropriate for a fantasy writer. Third- make some writer friends who can help critique you. The QueryTracker website has a forum where you can find critique partners. Fourth- READ some more!


Although I suppose a lot of people would dispute this, I consider what I do for a living to be semi-related to the sex industry. Writing romance, sure I understand I’m not naked on camera, I’m not writing hard-core erotica, yes. But.

Like a growing sector of the porn industry, I’m selling sexual fantasies to women. I casually use words and portray scenarios that would give me sainted Ma a heart attack. I profit from someone else’s desire. 

In the fan community, there’s a lot of overlap as well. I’m personally part of at least 4 Facebook groups whose only purpose is to direct liberated ladies to porn Tumblrs, gifs, penis pics, etc. It’s all part of the same beautiful community of women who are not ashamed to discuss their sexuality, their fantasies, who casually discuss sex toys the way men have discussed women for centuries.

I love being part of it. As a feminist, it feels like a natural step towards equality.

The elephant in this sexy little utopian room, of course, is James Deen. We were ALL obsessed. He was so cute. He did all these supersexy moves while staring intensely into the girl’s eyes. He made a huge deal of being into sex with ALL women, not just the shaven, tanned, siliconed ones.

We were all complicit in equating that to him being an ally. Or at least a lover of women. Even less than that, he just seemed like a regular guy who was really good at sex. We all projected on him. 

When Stoya came forward with her allegations of rape, I thought we would all stand with her. I thought we would all say, “holy shit were we wrong.” I thought we would all delete the Instagram pics of ourselves in WWJDD tees. (Um, well me anyway. Cause it turns out what he would do is NOT something I’m okay with.)

The thing is, that’s not what happened. More and more and more women came forward. Some had assault or rape stories of their own about him. Others just heard enough rumors that they refused to work with him for fear of rape or assault.

And in return, more and more women from the romance community defended him. One woman even started a campaign for survivors of rape to support him. Think about that. 

A survivor of rape, supporting a rapist.

It’s truly time for this community to stand up. We are empowered, liberated, sexual women. We need to stand up and say- no, SHOUT- that we believe women. That sex workers are due the same protections and sympathies as the characters in our books. That we are like them, because we. Are. Women.

And we stand together.

I’m with Stoya, and Joanna, and Tori and Ashley and Amber and Kora and Nicki and Lily and TM. And I’m with every single one of YOU who has been scared to come forward. Because I am a woman. And a mother of a girl who will someday be on her own in this world. And I never, ever want her to wonder if women will believe her.

Come stand with us.
And something else that just occurred to me and made me immediately ragey. That statistic about 1 in 4 women being victims of sexual assault? That we learned in health class and Cosmo and everywhere on the internet? 


Scandinavian Horror Bedtime-Stories

I’m on a massive Scnadinavian horror kick right now. It started when I watched Rare Exports and Let The Right One In back to back.

Currently I am reading a book called The Ritual by Adam Nevill. I am now in love with a man named Adam Nevill. There’s death and destruction and black metal and Old Gods. It’s like everything I love wrapped up in a nasty little literary package.

If only there were wine.

I’m fast running out of scary things from Scandinavia though. Short of booking myself a trip to the boreal forest (and believe you me, I have been pricing it out) do you guys have any recommendations???

Also. I went to two Frank Turner shows this weekend, and despite not being metal or Scandinavian or even scary, they were utterly fantastic and I must recommend you go if you have the chance.

Candi Kane is Havin A Birthday!


Somehow in the thrill and excitement of meeting OMIGODMYFRIENDCANDI I managed not to get a solo selfie. I believe she did though… *side eye*
I met Candi the way a bunch of us did- through our desperate and undying love of Night Owl by M Pierce. Much like many of us, I fell deeply in love with her as a result of her near-constant auto-correct fails. 

You guys, she can make any benign conversation bizarrely inappropriate with a single word, and that is a feat. MELANIE Harlow even wrote it in to her Frenched series she was so âmused. Notice how my autocorrect did two things there, neither one inappropriate.

But once you get to chatting with her, you’ll discover even more interesting things about Candi. For example, and by example I mean 80, she has the greatest 90’s concert stories of anyone on earth. There is no one, and I mean NO ONE she hasn’t drank with. From Gwen Stefani to the Misfits. You want to know what any celeb from 95-05 is like IRL just ask her.

Really though, cause she’ll send you a voice message and then you can hear her cute Chicago accent.

Today is her birthday and I just want the world to know how amazing this friend of mine is. Candi is one of the funniest, sweetest, most loyal dead whores I have ever met, and if you think that is rude just google her GoT blogs and you will see that it is also very accurate.

In short, I love Candi Kane and you should too, so spend a little time on the Dirty Laundry blog, before reminding her that the Royals are way cooler than the Cubs. Just wait til her birthday is over first.

Xoxoxoxo Candi! 

Kayti Loves Jen McCoy


I really do. Jen blogs for Literary Gossip and she’s the dirty quotes queen. The very first time I met Jen, we got our noses pierced together. Because that is how you build a lasting friendship, right? Well it worked this time, anyway.

Jen lives about an hour and a half away from me in Colorado, but sometimes that’s just too far to drive so instead we met up in Savannah. 

I spent 80% of my days snuggling her and that made my day 100% better.

I’m a Terrible Blogger: And You Can Too!

I’m having day drinks with my coder friend. She’s like, “We can put your blog on your website!” And I’m like, “Totally! I blog all the time. I’m blogging right now!” One of those things is true. 

PS day drinks was code for working extremely hard if you are my editor or my mom. If you aren’t, it’s literal. Although I am actually writing too.

On Fifty

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t read them. Instead, I read the blogs, and the GR reviews, and the live-tweets that were kind of hilarious–most of them were titled something along the lines of “We read so you don’t have to”.

I regret nothing. Look, that book may not have had the quality of writing that I prefer. It may not even have had the plot that I prefer (*spoiler* I don’t normally read romance, yes I know its my genre) but let me one-hundred percent say right here that I support EL James because I support female writers. I support women’s escapism.

If you have a need to comment on this that women should choose a different book to escape with, STAHP. I can give you a recommendation if you want smarter smut, or historical, or literary, or classic, or even sci-fi. I READ those books. I love them. I escape that way too. That’s not the point here.

But, a billion women (literally) have chosen Fifty as the book that opened them up to other possibilities, and this post isn’t about the book anyway. It’s about the movie.

First, let’s discuss men’s escapism. Specifically, action movies. I personally am a massive Bond fan. I loved Connery, but I do think Daniel Craig is the bestest. He nails the emotional intricacies, but that’s neither here nor there.

What IS- is that when I hear a new Bond movie is coming out, I don’t sit down and make a Buzzfeed list of why you “shouldn’t see that” and rather should see something smarter.

Not my business.

Do I find certain intricately plotted Guy Ritchie movies to be more well-done than any Michael Bay film? OBVI. But I don’t judge you because you want to check out the new Transformers on opening night. Nope.

Not my business.

Because why do I get to dictate that you only choose one? Why are people telling me, “Oh, you liked the Fifty movie? You should have saved your money and watched Secretary.” I could have. I could have watched a rom-com about BDSM for free on Netflix. But I chose to spend money seeing a love story about control + spanking. Just like you could have watched a movie about dudes racing cars, versus a movie about dudes in space. Do you see how it’s different? And you don’t have to pick just one?

Not my business.

So Dakota Johnson, her of the perfect body and face, chooses to allow (CHOOSES, make no mistake, there was consent(in the movie)) Jamie Dornan to spank her. She is given the tool, a safe word, of refusal, and CHOOSES not to utilize it. In the penultimate scene, she ASKS him to hurt her.

When she chooses not to safe out, but also not to stay, she demonstrates to him that she does not approve of what he prefers, but also that he didn’t break her. Does this make her less of a woman?

Because I saw Casino Royale. And I watched Mads Mikkelsons’ character torture, sexually you might add, Bond. And he wasn’t less of a man because he allowed it to happen. Okay, he didn’t enjoy it, but it was a means to an ends. Which is exactly how Anastasia Steele feels about what she allows Christian Grey to do to her.

Do I feel like Ana sets me back as a feminist? Well. Does Jason Statham emasculate YOU? I mean, I have seen a bunch of his movies with men I have been involved with. None of them ever complained afterwards that he hurt images of masculinity by being too- manly, masculine, hairy, angry, badass, pissy, unremorseful, big, muscular, murderous, or basically- ideal.

So why should I, a feminist, be upset about Ana’s willing submission, her femininity, her humor, her pubic hair, her straight up DOMINANCE- because-in the movie- that is what it was- I think she’s someone to emulate. She, as even Christian admits, changes HIM, not herself.

Y’all, I am a feminist. And I support this message. Go see this movie. Enjoy it, don’t- either way, let’s have an honest discussion without all the silly politizing.

Smut and the Modern Female- Pt 1

I’ve been thinking a lot about sex lately- yes, I know, but not the fictional kind. I’ve been thinking about how my first romance book is being published soon, and how I’ve asked my parents not to read it. I’ve been thinking about how my daughter is so proud her mama writes books, but hasn’t the slightest clue what’s in them. I’ve been reading this blog (http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/erika-lust/how-i-will-tell-my-daughter-i-work-in-porn_b_1562266.html) by the phenomenal feminist erotica director Erika Lust.

I AM a feminist. And I believe in a sex-positive environment for girls. I’ve even gotten a head-start on this stuff through my day-job as a nanny for a 13 year old girl. “You don’t want to be the first one to have sex, and you don’t want to be the last one,” I tell her. “But in the end, everyone does it, and it isn’t special to be doing it- you just want to make it special for YOU.”

It’s easy for me to spout this stuff off because I haven’t raised her. It’s also easy for me to tell her things like, “If he asks for oral, but doesn’t offer in return, NO.” And I believe that, but will I be comfortable telling my kid that? I hope so, but we’re still years away from that kind of discussion.

So maybe, mom, if you’re reading this, you CAN read my book. And maybe, someday, my daughter can too. And maybe, hopefully a much sooner day, I’ll stop feeling like III need to put warnings on such a normal, reasonable, everyday act.